The quotes, which I made up
“If New Hampshire residents would be true to their “Live Free or Die” official motto, the Funeral services would be very profitable business out there.”
“It is usually a bad job interview idea to say that you are an avid “self learner” because as a teenager you have learned about “The birds and the bees” on your own – by conducting multiple live experiments.”
“Is making up real funny quotes not enough for someone to become Notable ?”
“The rumor has it that as a cost cutting measure the original Statue of Liberty was recently secretly replaced by its cheap copy, which was made in … China.”
“Wiki Leaks got the unconfirmed information (through the osmosis, of course) that North Korea now agreed to sign the peace agreement with the South Korea on one only condition – Woody Allen’s immediate divorce.”
“The best remedy to reduce hemorrhoid’s pain and itching is to become a professional stand-up comedian.
“If I would live in the past then I would be a fan of those days Modern Literature. If I would live in the future then I would be probably enjoying today’s Sci-Fi genre. But since I live in the present boring times I prefer to read Classics.”
“If money would indeed grow on the trees then we could of use them to save the forests.”
“It is a common historical misconception to claim that Serbia was bombed by US’s led NATO to force the creation of the Muslim European state (Kosovo). In truth the sole purpose of the bombing action was the desperate last resort attempt to destroy the plant, producing those awful cars, called Yugo.”
“Bill Clinton was absolutely truthful when he stated that he “never had sex with that woman”. He actually meant Hillary.”
“I’ve heard the exciting news that producers of “King’s speech”, being greatly encouraged by their success at Oscar’s, are rushing with the sequel tentatively named “King’s fart”, trying it to be ready for the April 29 royal wedding event.”
“Grapevine sources are telling that Natalie Portman is writing her autobiography book titled “My way to Oscar – from ugly duckling with no strings attached to pregnant swan in love”.”
“I would gladly do what I say … if only it would not take me so much time to figure what I really meant when I said it.”
“Since flies carry the infection, I would welcome establishing “No fly zone” in all countries instead of doing this favor just for Libya.”
“Some like it hot, some like it both hot and married.”
“When we failed to export goods we started to export jobs. That is what I call “Innovation”.”
“My parents also called me Sasha. But my house was of another color.”
“Since I like to have my drink alone and not in a party of noisy unruly scoundrels, I am switching from drinking tea to coffee.”
“When I write my phrase, containing a statement, I always leave a lot of free empty space underneath of it.”
“The best meet-up dating places for divorcees are “Lost and Found” departments.”
“What is common between a male bird and a politician ? They both could change colors. What is the difference between a male bird and a politician ? The first does it to make love, the second – just to stay alive.”
“What is the difference between buying sandwich and being laid off at work ? In the latter case – they always give it to you “to go”. “
“Why the only people who could afford serious opinion on the serious issues of this country are late night shows comedians ? Because this is the most unlikely time and place for Awakening.”
“If you don’t know people, who claim to be your enemy – then your enemies are hiding among people, who claim to be your friends. If you don’t have friends then look up for your enemy within yourself.”
“The motto “IN GOD WE TRUST” used in US Legal Tender (bills and coins) has a typo. The correct version is: “IN GOLD WE TRUST”.”
“Republicans are red, democrats are blue; most voters are color blinded and do not have a clue.”
“Why Tea-Party meetings remind me of “The Elephant In The China Shop” ?”
“We invaded into Iraq instead of Iran due to president Bush’s misspelling error.”
“To pass political illiteracy test one just needs to know that Barack and Osama are the first names while Mubarak and Obama are the last ones.”
The following warning has to be placed on each Trojan horse :”Beware of Greeks bearing gifts”
The daemon-crazy is pronounced as an anti-people republic
Works of art are valued without a discount
To write or read fantasy books is much easier than to change the reality
If you don’t know people, who claim to be your enemy – then your enemies are hiding among people, who claim to be your friends. If you don’t have friends then look up for your enemy within yourself
Everyone in this world goes by his own “Milky Way”
It is good, that the person can not see himself “directly” with his own eyes – because direct eye contact with the Gorgon Medusa, who lives in this man, is suicidal
Not everything in the world is worthy of imitation or continuation of
It is easy not to know Beauty in art does not get old
A small stone placed at the headstones, commensurates with eternity
Perfection – is the enemy of progress
Tastelessness destroys the beauty
Criminal conviction of the innocent – is a Pyrrhic victory for justice
The verdict of fate is final and is not the subject of appeal
Poetry – is an artifact of an excess of emotion War is legitimized by society mutual killing
Nations do not disappear by themselves …They are getting destroyed by genocide …
The Jews came out of the Soviet Union as from Egypt … but without Moses
In any country of the Galut, for Jews sooner or later there comes a “moment of truth”
Ignorance promotes vanity
Women love to drink all the fresh – including blood and money
Anyone who asks too many questions, will answer for it
Do not halloo with a cuckoo
Marriage – is a convention, sealed by the certificate
There is enough woe for everyone
Spiritual Holocaust lasts already for two thousand years – all the while trying to kill the soul of the Jewish People
The Jewish people – it’s a boy, Mottle, – he’s everywhere an orphan
Aphorisms – like children – they know how to laugh and cry
Cloning does not compensate for lack of originality
Faceless originals produce faceless clones
If the soul is crying – learn to play the violin
“Pisces” – a reincarnation of the soul, which drowned in grief
Sensitivity – is nudity, dressed into the nervous tissue
Pathology in human relations – is a “common situation”
Nature does not indulge its geniuses
Slavery is suggestive … – Do not believe me – then ask the … Aesop
Accuracy – is the politeness of kings”, and brevity – it is the politeness of writers
If someone has won a duel with death – it will always win in a rematch
No one mows the grass of oblivion
Life is a gift that sooner or later will be returned
Last Dance is always reserved for … death
Death – it’s a matter of time
Geniuses are burned in the fire of their talent
To manipulate people … – it is easier than learning to play the flute
Love – is when they die with your name on the lips … during orgasm
Losing an umbrella reduces the desire and ability to cling to life
Open umbrella has always looked to the sky with hope, but never saw the sunshine
The strength of aphorism – in its banality
Old age – it isa combination of feelings of weakness, powerlessness, and stupidity
Life is … what it is …
He was a famous poet … but unfortunately he was known only to himself
Do not pull yourself up by the hair – such attempt to take-off, in a flight of creativity, leads to premature baldness.
Reptiles can not write poems about love – this activity interferes with their coolness
Moving clock’s arrows back is much nicer than forward …Even for an hour …
Doctors are trying to save people from pain, while poets are trying to cause it
Lobotomy – this is not the best way to treat the syndrome of “split mind”
“The fundamental question of philosophy” in relation to love (between man and woman) is formulated as: “What comes first – spiritual affinity or physical intimacy?”
It would be helpful if during the marriage, the judge would inform newly wedded – spouses about all the possible harmful side effects
Why they are not selling insurance from an unhappy love affair?
The spiritual food of poor quality poisons the soul
Lunatic – a person for whom there is no place in the sun
If one can’t disentangle a node of the marital relationship, follow the example the Alexander of Macedon, – cut this knot with the sword – the sword of Themis
The prostitute pays for all by love
Sisyphus was working on a calling – he was building the pyramids
According to Verdi’s opera, Hades – is somewhere in Ethiopia …
Do I need to give “tips” to Charon?
According to the opinion of the Fire Department employees, Prometheus was chained to the rock too late.
Explanations are many … – But the essence is one
The thought – this is the last thread that connects people with life
If man could overcome himself, then he could live in peace with self …However, in the scrum with self – the man is always left defeated.
Some ask questions to find out more, others – in order to be recognized.
Poets can’t read other people’s poems for a long time – it makes them sick to read the bad ones, and by reading a few good lines – begins a painful reaction of rejection.
Thoughts come and go, but aphorisms remain.
When one looks into the eyes of a dead person – he experiences a feeling of guilt,that is why the eyes of deceased’s get closed.
If you possess the gift of guessing the thoughts of others – is it legal to publish them?
When you can not or do not want to say something good – be quiet
The popularity is ruining by breaking into pieces.
Among the majority the genius dies at birth, in a minority – it survives.
All die by vocation
Genius is an atavism
Deep thought – like water in the sea: some drown in it, others float on the surface
If the talent comes from God, why do they say: “He’s damn talented”?
Every doctrine has its limit
A liar cannot summon to answer for his actions another liar in the court if he sells the lie to him as the truth, and the other pays him back using the counterfeit coin
A labor of thought gives rise to the wisdom of minds A labor of love is crowned by the faithfulness
Regularity and Randomness – these are two phenomena, the existence and interaction of which obeys the Law of Dialectics – “About The Unity and Struggle Of Opposites”